Twas November the seventh, day after elections,
America was represented, all of the sections!
The votes had been cast in the system with care
In hopes that Obama soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their classes,
While visions of binders scared all the lasses.
And mom in her apron, and I in my suit
Had just settled down to look at our Halloween loot.
When out on North Lawn, there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
Away to the window, I threw open the blinds
To see tons of people standing in lines!
First Sandy stole gas from the Jersey Shore,
Then people who voted found it quite a chore.
When, what to my wondering ears should appear,
Tons of Americans who gave quite a cheer!
They were led by Obama, jumpin’ and jivin’,
Next to him smiling sat good ol’ Joe Biden.
Led by two eagles, and that cute dog Bo,
On all their shirts was a big, giant ‘O.’
Away they all walked, headed north to Washington
Where they knew they wouldn’t be greeted with stones.
So up to D.C., they all took a walk,
To hard work or a challenge, they did not balk.
From health care to human rights, Obama took a stand.
For that we’re very grateful — give him a hand!
Sasha and Malia must both be so proud;
If he was our dad, we’d announce it aloud!
From Twitter to Facebook, the youth won the vote.
We earned it, dear reader, take a moment to gloat.
No need to be scared of the almost nightmare
Of the man who’s a robot that dyes its hair.
We’re saved from the possible Romney curse;
Obama is better and definitely not worse.
He’ll give us better Pell grants and health care to boot,
He’ll provide us with hurricane supplies, so we don’t have to loot.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to work,
And filed all the bills, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the White House chimney he rose!
He sprang to Air Force One, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew without even launching a missile.
But we heard him exclaim before they had left,
“Many thanks, all you young people! Especially UF!”
Each year, a whole new world invades Gainesville for just one weekend.
When so many people head off to Jacksonville for the football game between the Florida Gators and the Georgia Bulldogs, tons more come into our town to hear some music.
The Fest is a music festival that celebrates all things punk.
Read the full story and listen to my radio piece at the link. There’s also a Storify element at the bottom, which explains how people on social media were affected.
Here’s a problem with Mitt Romney: He sees people as numbers and commodities.
He said during the debate this week that he ran businesses for about 25 years — that either means he’s good at running businesses, or he’s good at starting and closing businesses.
Either way, he might be good at simply looking at numbers.
Romney is trying to claim credit for a women’s group. What else is new?
There are so many threats against women in America today.
Between trying to earn our reproductive freedom and explaining that we deserve equal pay, it can be difficult to remember that we’re not second-class citizens.
We have to take care of ourselves, because it seems like our government and our companies aren’t going to help.
Because there are so many things that can go wrong in our bodies, we need to monitor them and take the best care of ourselves possible.
About 42 million women are living with some kind of cardiovascular disease. About 200,000 women die each year from heart attacks, which is five times the number of women who die from breast cancer.
Two weeks ago, Rosie O’Donnell, one of TV’s favorite lesbians, suffered a heart attack.
Welcome (back) to Gainesville, folks! Sorry for all of the global warming during the summer, but we’re sure we’ll have a milder fall. Even though the weather will be nice, do yourselves a favor, and don’t expect much from the football season. Expect a light chance of touchdowns and a downpour of yellow flags.
So now it’s time for the sorry-for-the-abrupt-transition-but-we-don’t-want-to-rush edition of…
Darts & Laurels
First off, we’d like to send a possible thank you to our good buddy Isaac for threatening the Republican National Convention in Tampa next week … Tropical Storm Isaac, that is. That’s why we’re giving a good the-RNC-needed-a-shake-up LAUREL to Tropical Storm Isaac.
Fingers crossed that he’s not late to the Grand Ole Party!
Also, we’re throwing a leave-our-puppets-alone DART at the RNC. Andrea Davis, the spokeswoman for the Tampa Police Department, said that protesters aren’t allowed to bring puppets, because “their heads have been used to hide weapons and other matter, fecal matter.”
Although you won’t see them in the crowds outside, you can still see plenty of puppets who are full of s—t on stage.
Can you remember the last time you heard about Missouri? It’s just one of those lonely, forgotten fly-over states — until last week.
Rep. Todd Akin stuck his Midwestern foot in his Midwestern mouth when he tried to express his opinion about a St. Louis television station.
He seemed to think that women rarely get pregnant via rape.
“If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down,” Akin said.
Phew, what a relief.
Y’know, maybe that’s why most conservatives are against birth control and contraception: They must think that it’s almost unnecessary. We women are apparently in much more control of our bodies than science originally taught us.